Appellate Extravaganza

Today's DJ offers:

• PJ Gilbert's Under Submission column, titled Why?, raising questions like this: "Why do some appellate justices write in their opinions, "At the outset we preliminarily note" when they are noting what they are writing at the outset of the opinion?" And "Why, throughout my judicial career, when any of my cases were appealed to a higher court, did I wait with controlled apprehension for the case to be decided? Why, when I received the opinion, did I immediately go to the end of the opinion to find out whether I was affirmed or reversed? Why did I stop doing this? Because on one occasion my elation at reading "I would affirm" turned into despair -- I was reading the dissent."
• The Moskovitz On Appeals column, Appellate Adventures, Chapter 12, asks "How Can I Use The Statement of Facts to Persuade?" Well: (1) Include facts that may be technically irrelevant but that help with the equities; (2) Add impact to certain facts by selective use of certain adjectives, adverbs, and phrases; (3) But don't overdo it with obviously argumentative portrayals; (4) Use the absence of evidence on certain points; (5) Be creative, but don't break any rules.
• The Exceptionally Appealing column, Stray Dancing, explores exceptions to the rule that new theories can't be raised on appeal
• Justice Eileen Moore presents Disposable Warriors: We send them there. We break them. Then we take away their benefits.
• And... Female attorneys, clerks, testify appellate court justice made crude remarks. "The trial is projected to last 19 days." LA Times article here. Law360 article here.
• In other announcements, the Bird Marella firm's Summer Update notes that appellate specialist Tom Freeman has been admitted into the California Academy of Appellate Lawyers.
• Finally, today's Recorder has Bedsworth: Risk Unique Art Young Effort -- in which he discusses retirement (Oh no! Don't go!) -- "I’ve been a judge for 32 years. I’ve grown accustomed to my jokes being funny, my insights brilliant, and my restaurant choices inspired. I will miss that." He then goes on to attempt to interpret a crazily worded warranty from a Chinese-made product...